“Why do you have a website?”
Because it pleases me, and I like having transparency on who I am and what my protocols/expectations are from the start so that you as a sub know what you are getting yourself into. It does not serve me to have to write out information over and over again on dating app chats explaining to people what I’m into or how that unfolds. Here is a link so you can go read. Come back if you want, and no worries if you don’t. End of story. This site’s only purpose is to provide information on who I am and to vet subs should they want to dynamic with me.
“Are you a Pro Domme or FinDom?”
No, I am not a Pro Domme, nor do I participate in any kind of compensation in my Domme activities, such as FinDom or Pay-2-Play. I am 100% a lifestyle Domme which means that all interactions with me are uncompensated and based on the fact that I’m getting enjoyment out of that interaction.
“What is your style of domination?”
I lean more towards sensual domination with impact play incorporated into that. That looks like a lap dace, but remove the clothes, add restraints, and the male is not only allowed to orgasm but forced to. I am extremely creative with taking my sub’s preferences and interests and turning them into a next level pleasure hell for them to experience. More often than not a sub will come to me with one set of kinks and leave with an entirely new set.
While I do like to incorporate impact play into a scene (riding crops, floggers), unless a sub has made it very clear that they are into sadistic domination I am about a 4 on a scale of 1-10.
I do not do any type of play that involves needles or blade tools that draw blood.
You can read my entire BDSM kink list and what I’m into by clicking here.
“What are you looking for in a sub?”
I keep an updated blog post at all times detailing exactly what I am looking for:
https://thehautemistress.com/2025/05/10/what-im-seeking
“Why are you on vanilla dating apps?”
I’m on vanilla dating apps because I am looking for a boyfriend NOT a fuck buddy. While kink dating apps are great it is a breeding ground for one time use sexual interactions which isn’t what I’m looking for.
“Do you have sex with your subs?”
No, I do not have sex with my subs. I do not allow my submissives to penetrate me with their penises in any way or any hole. My subs aren’t even allowed to touch me unless I tell them to.
“If you are not having sex with your subs what is happening during a session?!?”
Lots of things, orgasms being one of them. The best part about being kinky is that you do not have to rely on genital sex to achieve orgasm. But a short list of non penetrative activities I engage in during a session are:
Anal Play & Plugging
Cock & Ball Bondage
Impact Play
Bondage
Manners
Orgasm Control
Service
Foot Worship
High Heel Worship
Breast Worship
Dressing the Part
Chastity
Behavior Modification
Personality Modification
Role Play
Teasing
Begging
Kneeling
Massage
Rituals
Examinations
Pegging
OTHER
“Do you date your subs?”
I have in the past and I probably will in the future for the right one. But keep in mind, I am single and I AM looking for a boyfriend currently, not just a sub to dynamic with.
“Why do you call it a session?”
I call it a session because when I came into kink that is what it was called to meet up with someone for kink based activities. Session is often misused by people thinking it is a paid interaction just because of the word “session”, which is not the case for me. Other people choose to call it “a scene” now, however for me a scene is one activity. I can do 15 scenes in one session with a sub.
A “session” to me is a mutually agreed upon meeting to engage in kink activities within the limits and agreed upon activities of two fully consenting adults.
“How many men have you slept with?”
Probably fewer men than you have lol. Considering I was in a long term relationship and then married from the age of 15-35 my body count is limited. I can count on one hand not only the number of sexual partners I’ve had in 2025, but also the total number of times I’ve had genital sex. And that is the number of partners and genital sex combined is less than 5. Can you say the same?
I engage in kink in an extremely limited and very safe manner, but if a “body count” is a major concern for you then I highly suggest you exit the kink community and find your way on over to a religious cult of your choosing for the virgin child bride of your dreams. I’m 41 years old so my virginity is long gone and more than likely yours is too, so that mindset isn’t applicable when approaching me.
“How long have you been in kink?”
• I’ve been kinky since 2003.
• I’ve engaged in D/s dynamics since 2011.
• I was formally introduced to BDSM in 2015.
• I started leaning more into my Domme side in 2019.
• And as of late 2024 I have only been engaging in kink in a Domme role.
“What brought you to BDSM?”
I’ve always been kinky, but I had a true Dom give me the experience of a lifetime back in 2015 that completely changed my life. As limited as that interaction was he taught me a lot about myself, kink, and the D/s dynamic on both sides.
“Do you think you could ever be with a vanilla guy?”
Absolutely not! lol. I will never date or have sex with a vanilla person ever again. It doesn’t serve my needs or make me orgasm in any way.